Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
