Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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