so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize