just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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