Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
