i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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