Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
