Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
