life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize