My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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