around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
