I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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