I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
