He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
