On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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