I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize