hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
