shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize