Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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