Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize