I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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