I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
