i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
