i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
