So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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