So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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