Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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