Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize