dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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