And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
