I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
