I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
