he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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