do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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