i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
