wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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