Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
