That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
