Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
