Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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