apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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