She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
