don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
