I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
it was like eating out sand paper
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
