you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
