Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
