I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
