and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
