At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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