we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
