Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
