Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
