do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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