he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this beer tastes like vomit already
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
