my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
