bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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