Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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