I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
