Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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