I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
