nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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