I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
its liver damage thursday
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
