yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
