Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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