nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
